


Cardigan

by justasparkwriting



Series: folklore [6]
Category: Real Person Fiction, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Dating, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Folklore, Kim Seokjin - Freeform, Love, Troubled Past, bangtan boys - Freeform, bts - Freeform, cardigan, relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:14:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27535843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justasparkwriting/pseuds/justasparkwriting
Summary: Through insecurities, feeling worthless or less than, you always managed to pull one another from the darkness, slipping each other on like your favorite cardigan.
Relationships: Kim Seokjin | Jin & Reader, Kim Seokjin | Jin & You, Kim Seokjin | Jin/Reader, Kim Seokjin | Jin/You
Series: folklore [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2012737
Kudos: 7





	1. Once in Twenty Lifetimes

**Author's Note:**

> “Do you love me?” You whispered. Your tone had softened, giving way to a wave of anxiety. Maybe that wasn’t what he said?
> 
> “What?” He asked, the embarrassment and shock written on his rosy cheeks.
> 
> “Seok-Jin, do you love me?” your resolve was fading. Maybe you were totally wrong.

In the midst of preparing for their latest comeback, BTS found themselves at Big Hit, each member taking time to work on various aspects of the project. Two were writing lyrics, one was working on choreography, another set were mixing beats, and Seok-Jin was taking a call. As you sat looking at the members around you, you felt warmth spread through you. How lucky were you to know them and maybe love them?

“Hey, Tae, question” you asked turning your attention to Taehyung.

“Yes?” He responded, turning to face you. He stuck his tongue between his lips, licking them gently. He was a gentle soul, silly at heart, love overflowing.

“How do you say I love you in Korean?” You asked.

“Oh my god, you love me?!” He said, geometric smile overwhelming his face.

“Tae,” You said, shaking your head.

“Do you?” He asked again, energy bounding out of him.

“Yes, you’ve become one of my best friends,” You responded. You hadn’t admitted that before … that in the last year or so, Taehyung had become a friend when you needed it most, when you were lonely or when Jin was unavailable. He was there, always ready to be a shoulder to cry on, always offering jokes or silliness to brighten your often-overcast demeanor.

“Did you hear that? She loves me!” Tae’s energy surged and he jumped up, started twirling around. The rest of the guys staring at him and you, a quizzical look on all of their faces. “She loves me!” He yelled again, running to hug Yoongi, who had decided he needed to take a break from his work.

“Namjoon, how do you say I love you in Korean?” You asked, turning to the voice of reason. He had been locked away with Yoongi, mixing something for their newest album.

“사랑해,”

The look on your face came unfettered as you stood up slowly, careful not to knock your jaw out of place.

“What?” You asked.

“사랑해” Joon repeated.

“I love you too!” Tae said, finally leaving Yoongi to come back and hug you, blissed out on the fact that you called him a best friend.

“Where’s Jin?” You asked.

“He went down the hall,” Jimin said entering the room.

You barreled past him, boots ready to walk all over him.

Jin was seated in an empty conference room, phone pressed to his ear. He looked at you enquiringly, unsure why you had entered in such a fluster. He had mentioned having to take a call, something with the restaurant, and that he’d be back when he was done. He didn’t know why you had come in and with eyebrows furrowed, he turned his back to you and tried to wrap up the call. Your mind was racing, pouring over months of conversations and texts.

How did you not know? How did he think he could get this past you for so long? Didn’t he know what this meant?

When you had started dating Jin, you’d been hesitant, reluctant. How could you entrust your heart to him, the self-proclaimed handsomest man in the world? How could you move past trauma, the devastation of your parents’ divorce, heartbreak after heartbreak, to let him love you? No one had loved you like Jin wanted to. But here he was, all shoulders and pouty lips, stating a sentiment you hadn’t known anyone could or would feel about you.

“Jagi, are you okay?” He asked, setting his phone on the table.

“Do you love me?” You whispered. Your tone had softened, giving way to a wave of anxiety. Maybe that wasn’t what he said?

“What?” He asked, the embarrassment and shock written on his rosy cheeks.

“Seok-Jin, do you love me?” your resolve was fading. Maybe you were totally wrong.

“Why?”

“Because I asked Joon what I love you in Korean is, and I’m realizing that you, Seokjin, have been saying that to me for months. Before I go to sleep, every time we talk on the phone, when we’re laughing, in bed,” You were nearly inaudible as you mentioned the time you spent exploring one another bodies. There were always prying eyes anytime the boys, management or anyone a part of their team was around. You looked up, “Do you love me?”

Listing the occurrences in which he’d said the phrase began to overwhelm you. Had he been telling you his heart this whole time and you didn’t know?

“I,” he sighed, eyes resigned to stare at his hands. He took another deep breath before standing up and walking to you. He pulled you to his chest, arms enveloping you. You rested your head on his chest and heard his heart rate pick up. Pulling away, he tilted his head to stare into your eyes. “Yes, I love you, very much.”

“You asshole!” You said pushing him away.

“What?”

“You’ve been saying it for months! Why didn’t you just tell me?”

“I didn’t want to scare you,” He said, incredulous that you even asked.

“Scare me? Now I feel like a total jerk. How could I miss it? You’ve been saying it for months and I’ve just been, what, ignorant to the fact that you love me? Didn’t you feel so,” You sighed and stared at the man in front of you. “Didn’t you feel sad that I didn’t say it back?”

“That’s why I always said it in Korean, or Japanese. I didn’t want to push you into saying it, but I had to get it off my chest, out it into the world, so maybe you’d feel it back.”  
He hid his shyness behind bold comments and impenetrable good looks. It was rumored that Jin was the shyest of the seven BTS members, overcompensating by having unwavering confidence in himself. You could see it now, his façade giving way to his feelings, Jin letting his heart out.

“Jin. You’re an absolute idiot.” You said shaking your head.

“Why?”

“Of course, I love you! Of course, I’m in love with you! I would’ve said it back the minute you did. I love you, so much.”

His smile could set the sun ablaze as he pulled you to him, kissing you fiercely.

“Thank god, now I can say it all the time,” Jin whispered, forehead resting on yours.

It was then that Taehyung came in shouting “She loves me! We’re best friends!” and left again, to tell anyone.

“What?” Jin asked between laughs.

“I made the mistake of asking him first,” You said.

“You asked him if I loved you?” Jin continued laughing.

“No, I asked him how to say I love you in Korean,” You informed him.

“Ahh,” Jin said, understanding the interaction with Tae.

“Then I asked Namjoon.”

“Best to always start with Namjoon,” Jin said.

“Jin?” You asked.

“Hmm?” He hummed.

“Love you.” You stood on your tiptoes to place a kiss on his cheek, warmth and adoration flowing like water between you.


	2. Thrill Expired

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You don’t know everything!” You said, arms thrown in the air. You pulled your hair out of its loose ponytail, which had once been secure and sleek, now a mess from fingers intertwining with your locks.
> 
> “Oh, please, I know more than –
> 
> “What makes you think you know more than I do?” You snapped. You felt crazy, the desire that had been pooling in your abdomen dissipating as you become more outraged.
> 
> “I know everything,” Jin said winking.

“You don’t know everything!” You said, arms thrown in the air. You pulled your hair out of its loose ponytail, which had once been secure and sleek, now a mess from fingers intertwining with your locks.

“Oh, please, I know more than –

“What makes you think you know more than I do?” You snapped. You felt crazy, the desire that had been pooling in your abdomen dissipating as you become more outraged.

“I know everything,” Jin said winking.

“You are so –

“So what?” His eyes were daring you to continue, daring you to push this silly disagreement into a full-fledged fight. He was daring you, make me sleep on the couch, make me regret coming home for two days, make me.

“Arrogant, rude, insulting,” You listed his characteristics on your finger, being sure to hold up your middle at him.

“And you’re not?” He countered.

“Seok-Jin,” You said, emphasis on the last syllables. His expression didn’t change, unwavering in its annoyance for this conversation.

“Y/N,” His voice was frustrated, a strain on his throat. He was exhausted, couldn’t you fight tomorrow? “Why are we fighting?” He asked.

“You said- 

“No, that is not why we’re fighting.” He cut you off, knowing exactly what you were going to say.

“Then why are we fighting?” You asked, watching as he plopped back down on the bed. He sighed, unwilling to take the first steps toward a solution. “We were kissing,” You started, trying to retrace your missteps.

“My hands were under your sweatshirt, really my sweatshirt,” His cheeks flushed.

“I said I wanted to stop,” You put the next piece in.

“So, we did,” Jin watched you as you counted off the occurrences on your fingers.

“Then we started fighting?” It was a question.

“I believe I called you a tease,” Jin offered, eyes sparkling at the banter he hoped would follow.

“You did, you said that I was such a fucking tease, and what could possibly be the problem, after all we’ve been apart for months,” A lightbulb went off in your mind, and your heart clenched around the insinuation.

“That sounds about right.” Jin laid back, unsure what had been the fateful misstep.

“I’m still mad.” Your voice was a whisper.

“About what?”

“I’m not a tease!” You called, voice rising an octave.

“Yes, you are!” Jin said sitting up.

“You hurt my feelings!”

“How did I hurt your feelings?” He chuckled; how could one phrase have flipped a switch in you?

“You come home, the first time I’ve seen you in months, and you immediately want me naked,” You said.

“I’ve missed being with you,” Jin couldn’t make sense of it, you wanted him equally. Wasn’t that what you did, he came home, you caught up over dinner or breakfast, you made love, then you spent the remaining hours talking, resting, soaking up every ounce of one another?

“Are you just, using me?” You asked.

“What? Of course not,” Jin said, voice softening. 

“You come home for two days and all you want is to have your way with me and then, what, leave on Monday? So that in another six weeks you’ll come back and fuck me again?”

“That’s not what our relationship is,” Jin could feel the hurt building in his chest.

“Then why do I feel so used?” You asked.

“I don’t _just_ want to sleep with you,” Jin said.

“What if,” You said.

“What if?” He asked, eyes wide.

“What if all you ever want me for is sex?” You could feel your mind starting to spiral, the gnawing feelings you’d had for the last two years seeping into your words.

“Do you think I’d reduce our very loving relationship to just, sex?” Jin is exasperated by this ridiculous argument.

“What if after being on tour all you want is to use me and then leave me,” You say, eyes wide, trying to get him to understand your anxieties.

“I love you; how could I reduce this love to just sex?”

“What if you stop?” It’s a whisper, barely audible.

“Stop?”

“What if you stop loving me, and I become some, glorified sex doll?” 

“First of all, I will never stop loving you, second of all, what are these hypotheticals? You don’t think I’m going to –

“Get tired of me and then move on to the next girl?” You interjected.

“Yeah,” Jin said.

“Jin,”

“Honey,” He tried to reach for you, to pull you to him.

“What if you come back from tour, and this is what we become?” You hadn’t put words to your fears, preferring to bury the thoughts under the other piles of unresolved issues you’ve been avoiding.

“What are you saying?” Jin hadn’t heard this level of insecurity in your voice since you started seeing each other. Since he’d shared his insecurity with you, and you ensured him you’d still be there.

“I, I don’t know,” You shook your head and turned to leave the bedroom.

“Don’t go! We need to talk about this,” Jin pleaded.

“I just, I need to clear my head,” You slipped your shoes on, grabbing your purse, and made for a line for your car. As you drove back to your apartment, your mind wandered to all the things you had lost… things you had thought were safe, secure.

It started as a child, friend after friend moving schools, switching grades, leaving you with the scraps. As you got older, and puberty gave way to betrayal, your parents split, your sister leaving for college, you were left to your own devices. Your heart was yours to protect, and every time it shattered you struggled to put the pieces back together. Insecurities weren’t grounded in reality, there was no reason to believe Jin would stop loving you or would only use you for sex, but the fear of loving him so wholly, so completely, and have him love you in return… You were trying to change your ending. To reverse the pattern you’d become accustomed to.

Jin sat on the bed, the emptiness giving way to his own emotional spiral.

He was a disappointment. A disappointing son, a disappointing band member, a general failure that had tricked his way to stardom.

His university work had been fine. He stood out because of his looks and his charm, but in his time studying, he never became a master. His chance with fame had given him his only hope of ever becoming something to be proud of. His father was successful, a man who had made his fortune by working hard and making opportunities for himself. Jin had grown up in the shadow of him and his older brother. Everything came easily to Seok-Jung, and everyone expected that things would fall into place for Jin, too. Though the eldest held the weight of making the family proud, Seok-Jin, the youngest, held the weight of their legacy. Being “discovered” was the only way Jin thought he could make any of them proud. As he moved through their first years as trainees, and even after their debut, that dream remained elusive.

His heartache had melded with yours. Every fortification you’d created around yourself, every safeguard, had absolutely shattered under the gaze of Seok-Jin. His heartache and disappointment fed on yours. Your insecurities melted into one another, but instead of destroying you both, you built a love that was stronger than your hurt.

Jin let you go, not making a move to run after you.

Tomorrow he’d find his way to your door, coffee and pastries in hand, waiting on your front porch.

Tomorrow he’d wrap his arms around you and kiss it better.

He knew you.

Tomorrow he’d make everything okay.


	3. I Was Your Favorite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jin crashes down into the bed, tears stinging his eyes. He’s been working his ass off for two months preparing for the Grammy’s, dancing harder and longer than he has in years. Vocal sessions multiple times a day, vocal rest afterwards, endless refills of his water bottle. Dancing during all the hours in between. Crashing early each evening to rise earlier each morning.
> 
> He knew it didn’t make sense for him to spend this much time and energy preparing for a five-minute set, not when he had tour prep starting almost immediately afterwards. But he was determined to be perfect. How often were they nominated and performing at the Grammys? Jin had been running on empty for two weeks, and today he hit a wall. The pressure mounted as he tried to hit the notes, complete his steps and not fuck up the routine for the rest of the boys.

Jin crashes down into the bed, tears stinging his eyes. He’s been working his ass off for two months preparing for the Grammy’s, dancing harder and longer than he has in years. Vocal sessions multiple times a day, vocal rest afterwards, endless refills of his water bottle. Dancing during all the hours in between. Crashing early each evening to rise earlier each morning.

He knew it didn’t make sense for him to spend this much time and energy preparing for a five-minute set, not when he had tour prep starting almost immediately afterwards. But he was determined to be perfect. How often were they nominated and performing at the Grammys? Jin had been running on empty for two weeks, and today he hit a wall. The pressure mounted as he tried to hit the notes, complete his steps and not fuck up the routine for the rest of the boys.

With every step, all he could see was his mother, sitting in a group of her friends, listening to them discuss their son’s accomplishments. Their pride radiating off of them, sending a heatwave throughout the house. He watched as his mother sat silently, resigned to admit her sons hadn’t done anything worthy of her pride. She never knew he had been eavesdropping and the moment continued to haunt him years after, seeking out his weakness and feeding until he was left crying and empty.

He’d worked hard to get to this point. He had put his heart, his life, into BTS. He spent their training years working twice as hard, going to extra vocal lessons and dance sessions, he had gone to the gym compulsively. He dedicated his adventurous diet to become the healthiest, cleanest version it could be. Had he earned her acceptance and praise? In his darkest moments, when he was slowly being swallowed whole, his answer was no.

And then there was you. You were proud of him for every song, every routine, every interview. Every time you watched him perform, you were more convinced of his brilliance. You couldn’t believe the man you loved could be so talented, so charismatic, so giving to his fans. Your awe inspired him, encouraged him to do his best. Every show was great when you were there. You weren’t just proud of him, but grateful of his hard work, his dedication, his resolve to persevere. He’d done more than any one human dreamed of doing by age 30. Couldn’t he relax and be proud of himself for that?

But in the darkness of his insecurity, he leaned into comparing himself. He had been labeled the worst dancer, or second worst dancer, from the beginning. It clung to him like a sweater in the cold. No matter how hard he practiced, no matter how many vocal sessions he went to, he was never going to sing like Jung Kook. He was never going to dance like Jimin. He didn’t look like Taehyung, he couldn’t spit bars or bring positivity like any of the rap line. He was the eldest, and therefore the most respected, but he was positive on any given day that he was the least talented member of BTS.

It was these thoughts that led to him crying on your bed, arm loosely over his eyes as his body shook, tears rolling down his cheeks and into his ears. It was this sight that you walked into, ten minutes later, having run to the store to grab a treat to celebrate his hard work. You knew the sound the minute you heard it, it wasn’t often that Jin sobbed, and the noise made your blood run cold.

You dashed into the bedroom to envelope him in your arms. His head rested on your chest as you cradled him, whispering calming words in his ear. You stroked his hair and rocked slowly, lulling his body into a calmness he had lost track off.

“Baby, love, what’s wrong?” You asked once his tears had subsided.

“I’m so tired, and I’m the worst member of the whole group. I can’t dance. I can’t sing. No matter how hard I work… We’re going to lose the Grammy because of me!” His voice cracked as the tears welled up.

“Where are you getting this?” You asked softly.

“It’s true! _Everyone’s_ thinking it! Whenever I screw up or my backing vocal is slightly off or I stumble over a lyric… they’re all thinking it.”

“Jin, no they’re not,”

“They are,”

“Honey, you’re exhausted. You’re overworked, you’re hardly sleeping from the stress. It’s the anxiety trying to fuck with you,” You reassured.

“But what if it’s true?” He whispered.

“It isn’t true,” You stated.

“Will you still love me if it is?”

“Jin, I would love you if you quit BTS and decided to sell knock off T-shirts at the mall. I love you, always,” You brushed your fingers through his hair.

“What if we lose the Grammy, will you still love me then? Will you be proud of me when we’re losers?”

“I will love you if all you do at the Grammy’s is introduce yourself as Mr. Worldwide Handsome, you know? And that’s it.” Jin smiled at your teasing tone. “A Grammy doesn’t change how I feel about you. I am always proud of you and the work you do because it’s worthy of being proud of, and because I’m so in awe of you. I’m proud of you for who you are, for how you treat others, for what you choose to do with your time and talent. Grammy or not.” 

“Will she love me if we lose?” He didn’t look at you as he spoke, shame in his words.

“Yes, and if she doesn’t, she’s not worthy of your love,” Your voice was calm, capturing him in your love.

“What if-”

“What and if are two of the most powerful words in the world, put them together and they’ll destroy kingdoms. Can we focus on what we know to be true?” You suggested.

“I don’t know what is true anymore.” He said.

“Do you want me to tell you what I know is true?” You asked.

“You act like you –

“I know you, honey, I know you,” You reassured. Jin licked his lips, tasting the salt from his tears.

“Okay,” He responded.

“I love you, that’s true.” You said.

“I guess,”

“You love me, that’s true,” You started counting on your fingers.

“That is true,” He nodded softly.

“You are kind, thoughtful, loving and so unbearably funny,” You smiled at him.

“If you say so,” He turned his head away from you.

“You’re my best friend,” Your voice was coaxing him back to you.

“That’s true,” He muttered.

“The maknae worships the ground you walk on,” You added a fifth finger.

“Maybe,” He huffed.

“You have talent and charisma in spades,”

“If you say so,”

“Everything’s going to be okay,” You reassured. He turned to face you, doubt on his face.

“If you-

“I do say so, it’s going to be wonderful.” You ran a hand through his hair, your warmth grounding him.

“Can I fall asleep here?” He asked, snuggling into you.

“No, you need to shower or take a bath. Do you want me to draw a bath for you? Put on some calming music, light a candle or two?” You offered.

“Will you take it with me?” The first hint of a smile crossed his lips.

“If you want me to,” You leaned down, placing a gentle kiss on his lips.

“I do,” He said, humming against yours.

“Okay,” You smiled, grateful he had moved out of his sorrow.

Jin watched you walk into your shared bathroom and heard the water turn on. As he slipped his clothes off and lowered himself into the hot water, you sitting in front of him, he was filled with contentment. That was the magic of you. No matter how heartbroken he was, how insecure, like the kid who was doomed to forever be picked last in gym class, you always made him feel loved, admired, protected, seen. At the end of every day, he was your favorite, and he wore that knowledge like a badge of honor.

**Author's Note:**

> (continues the folklore inspired series... this one less specific than Peace)


End file.
